Tag Archives: mental health

Why I Deleted 450+ Facebook Friends

I deleted over 450 “friends” on Facebook last night before going to sleep.  My fingers were moving so fast I even deleted a couple unintentionally…anyway…

Who Did I Delete from My Facebook Friends List?

I unfriended anyone

  • whose face I couldn’t remember which means long time no contact
  • I have not had a message from in a long, long time, if ever
  • has not liked, shared or commented on a post of mine either in a long time or maybe never
  • that I don’t remember seeing a post from in my stream ever or for long time
  • who has no posts on their profile page apart from changing their profile photo every  so often

Why Did I Unfriend so many from my Facebook Friend list?

I could not take their SILENCE anymore.  I didn’t know if they were active, not active, looking at my stuffm hating it and staying silent, judging me.

Actually I did delete some others for questioning my mental state.  Disagreement on a subject I can take but to get THAT question from people who KNOW me?  No!

NOTE:  I did NOT delete friends for disagreeing with me on any subject.

I have read articles about how people’s reactions to us on social media affects us and I have been watching my own reactions.  When I do a spate of writing as I have over the last two weeks I noticed myself checking for reactions to my writing.  I loved the likes.  I like the comments and generally give an emoji in recognition for their comment if I have nothing more to add or I leave an answering comment.

But the thing I began to notice most was the feeling of rejection and emptiness at the huge number of people who left me no reaction whatsoever.  I began to feel like there was an army of people out there watching me, silently, like a stalker would.  That was neither nice nor healthy for me.  This is not reality – this is projection.  This means that unseen “friends” can control my feelings.  NOT HEALTHY.

I like writing and every morning when I come return home, where I am confined, and sit at my laptop.  My morning cycle usually generates a subject to write about before I get home, and I write from the heart, usually without corrections as it just pours out.

Social Media?  I got into it for business purposes – after coronavirus I intend to cut WAY back on it’s use and get an ordinary phone – for phone calls – if there is such a thing anymore.  I will divest myself of the spy in my pocket – my laptop will be my Elf on the Shelf – that’s it.

Other Pruning I did on Facebook

My deletions were not the end of my actions on facebook.  I also went through the many great groups I am joined there.  I didn’t leave them, but I did turn off notifications from all of them,  Now, for example if I am doing a few hours on my family tree I can go and check out what has happened in my genealogy groups since my last visit.  And it saves me time scrolling past loads of  genealogy related posts in a time when I am not in a position to use that info anyway.

Final thought – “following” and “followers” on any social media

FOLLOWERS:  The trend out there is to think that having thousands or millions of followers is great, amazing, wonderful, a kind of signal to the world how loved or important you are.  Well, unless you are some famous celebrity, it’s probably not.  If you are not getting feedback from your followers then, to me, they are just silent stalkers.  And if, like me, you feel let down by their lack of response, it’s not mentally or emotionally healthy.

However, I think of followers on Instagram differently to followers on facebook simply because of the content people put on Instagram.  But the term used on Facebook is “friend” and friends don’t leave you hanging on a limb when you say something.  Contacts on Linkedin are just that – a network of business contacts you may or may not interact with, but that depends on their business, your business and non-reaction there is different.  We acknowledge a difference of industries, interests and how busy everyone is.

FOLLOWING:  If you are following more than 200 people on Instagram or Twitter – you can’t read everything that is posted in a day and if you do, then you are not living a life, you are living other people’s lives who may or may not be living the life they say they are.  What a waste of a life!  Pruning who I follow on Instagram and Twitter is my next time saving and mental health preservation activity – soon as I get the time 🙂

Who Do I Want to “Friend” on my personal Facebook profile?

  • Everyone who did not get deleted last night hahaha!
  • Family and neighbors
  • real friends, old and new that I personally know
  • there are some people I have not personally met but have had good conversations with either on messenger or outside of facebook.

If you are one of the real friends I unfriend last night with my fast finger action!!! and want to re-establish the connection send me friend request.

To My Friends Who Request Actions and I Don’t Oblige

For several reasons I never respond to any of the following

  • requests to post or copy/paste content to prove I read your post that did not have picture
  • request for any type of chain reaction similar to the above
  • posts requesting copy and paste to prove I am your friend or sympathise/empathize with those who have cancer etc.  If you ask me to copy and paste a post which focuses on recover, health, well-being I MIGHT copy and paste it because that is the opposite end of the usual focus on disease.
  • mostly I don’t comment on, share or respond to posts you make that are negative, fear engendering, rabble rousing or advocating action on behalf of the latest social or popular trend.

Why I Delete Some Comments on my Facebook Posts

I tend to delete your comments on my posts that set one section of society against another, and comments where the writer is in direct opposition to what I wrote AND is giving me an argument in their defense which I most likely am already well aware of.  I try for the most part to refrain from negative commentary on current events etc UNLESS I absolutely feel I have to and I have a solution to offer. I don’t allow fighting on my personal page.  My page is for my opinion.  If you agree, great – we have something in common.  If you don’t agree, go write on your own page and I won’t comment there.

In Conclusion – Be Aware of What Your Posts Say about You

We are all different biological ages, at different stages of awareness, learning, education and mental capabilities.  Recognize this when you decide to take someone up on their posts on their pages.  Recognize everyone has the right to have their own current opinion.  If you can’t change a person’s ideology with peaceful logic you are only going to entrench them by using anger, aggression, contempt or ridicule in your words.

What we say on social media says more than we are aware of.  We may be speaking up for a very good cause.  At the moment there is a HUGE outpouring from the white community on the issue of black lives matter.  BUT most are completely unaware of what can also be read into what they are posting, especially when it is followed up with support for pulling down statues, banning books and now we are checking images and labels on food.

Psychologists and public manipulators and profilers are having a field day with what people are revealing about themselves here.  A whole lot of shadow stuff and mirroring going on there.  Fascinating to watch but uncomfortably revealing and what it reveals most of all is … deep rooted fear and insecurity.

This should not be a black lives matter movement.  It should be people against police brutality movement which is what the sparking incident in this current situation was.   Sane, intelligent people are losing their reason at the moment.  Too much is going on around and fear is being expressed in actions of anger.  We feel it is ok to be angry for a “good or just cause”.  Well, if there is too much of that fear being transmuted into public anger… our neighborhoods and communities will go up in flames.  Fanning these flames from what is perceived to be a safe distance via social media is an illusion.

That’s it – rant over!  Have a nice day.

How are you going to treat your clients post COVID19?

A question to business owners.

If you have ever started a business, set up an office or run a project, would you agree with me that, you can very quickly get overwhelmed and bogged down in systems, procedures and protocols?

I came across two articles this week which, not only disturbed me, but sent cold chills up my back. I don’t really care about them as regards myself, my life is pretty much lived. But, I care deeply for my grandchildren and their children, because we are at a time in history when it seems we are about to change the way we live forever.

Business, corporations and governments can change a society overnight.

While we are in business ourselves – never forget the agendas of BIGGER BUSINESS.  Is there much that happens on the global scale that is not driven by an agenda to do with money or power?

We have already seen how alarmingly fast global government, under their health advisors, shut down the entire world – did we ever think such a thing possible? And Australians, just to take one example, appear to be forbidden to leave the country, except under extreme circumstances, for the rest of 2020????  Well, apart from anything else it is a great way to keep money in the country and, if I understand properly, international visitors are allowed in as long as they self-isolate?  How quickly we accept curtailment of what used to be considered human rights.

I am asking everyone to take a step back and review the ways you are going to restructure your business – for the sake of our humanity.

What were the two articles that gave me the horrors?

One article was by a group of psychologists who have decided that anyone not adhering to the “new norm” (shudder), by adhering to social distancing and wearing a mask are displaying symptoms of having psychopathic traits.

The second article was to do with procedures to be taken, going forward, with “patients” not “mothers” giving birth from now because of COVID19. Talk about throwing the baby out with the bathwater! Briefly, it advocated taking the baby immediately after birth,and allowing no contact with the mother until the baby has tested negative, not once but TWICE, for COVID19.  They are going to stick Qtips up the nose of a new born baby?  What kind of trauma is that?

Now, I don’t know how men are reacting to that but I do know how any woman who has given birth is feeling. The whole tone of that particular article from doctors is frighteningly upsetting and abhorrent to me. This goes against everything we know about the importance of bonding and the well-being of both mother and baby. Remember the Nazi and I think also Russian experiments on the effects of depriving babies of contact and touch?

I’m not sharing the articles. In fact I have decided not to share, spread about or give free publicity to anyone pushing those agendas or anything similar.  You can find them if you google them and you will find not one but many.  That, in itself, should have you asking two questions “What agenda is being pushed here and by whom?” (please ignore the apparent agenda of safety) and “What is the final objective”?

Because of the rhetoric we have been exposed to recently, the mere fact that I mention an “Agenda” or “final Objective” may be sticking a label in your mind as regards me – a label of “conspiracy theorist! Idiot! Disregard whatever she says!” Should I mention “anti-vaccine” you may throw your phone or laptop out the window!

The object of the article about psychopathic traits in non-compliant people is intended to make us marginalise, condemn, ridicule and ostracize such people (I’m half one!). We need stop taking experts opinions and writings for face value because everything we see, read and hear affects our opinions and decisions.

2019/20 Emergencies

We have had so many critical, global emergencies to deal with that we can scarcely take time to catch our breaths.  We had the

  • children in cages in the US,
  • emigrants stranded on beaches/boatloads dying at sea,
  • Australian fires,
  • Covid19,
  • worldwide protests on police brutality/black lives matter.
  • now we are pulling down statues, deleting books from Amazon, and erasing history across the globe.

The world is in uproar over past slavery.

Perhaps we are really, in some way angry because the slavery is not in the past. It is alive and well and we have and are turning a blind eye to it.  Who is calling for the unmasking of Jeffery Epstein’s buddies in their international trafficking of minors?  Conspiracy?  Who killed Jeffrey Epstein?  Because now they know he was murdered in his cell.  Who are the stars, the powerful politicians and business moguls still plying their trade today?  Nobody is asking –  we are being manipulated into focusing on the past instead of the present.  Until we free the women and children still in slavery and being trafficked, we will not get our own freedom again.  WE have to ask the questions.  WE have to open our eyes.  WE have to tell the stories.

It is easy to get caught up in what is happening and in one incident after another we are instituting new ways, obliterating old ways, making new laws, abolishing old laws. I am going to stop there.

So much of what controls society and our individual lives is outside our control.

UNTIL we are pushed too far and then we end up with riots, destruction of property and mayhem.  What is going on?  How are we to survive this onslaught?  You hink it doesn’t personally affect you or your business?  Well, think again, because tomorrow or next week it could be your office, your restaurant, your shop that goes up in flames.

What to do? Three things. In restructuring you business:

Number 1 – take a step back and ask yourself “what is best for my clients, my customers, my family?” Don’t think about those labels – think about the people behind the labels who have feelings, needs, anxieties and problems. Think how their experience of your business is going to impact their lives. Is their experience with you going to contribute to them feeling better or worse?

Number 2 – don’t follow the “new norm” blindly or alone. Connect with others in your business and talk to them about the best way forward – not the government policy because we have seen that can and will change with the wind. No, talk about the best way forward for everyone.

Number 3 – if and when you and your fellow business colleagues think your government has gone too far or off-track in laws, guidelines or protocols – challenge them.  Be the wind of change.  But you may have the be the little boy who shouts “the emperor is not wearing any clothes!” also.

Will Your Business Survive the “New Norm”?

You may not survive if you don’t do these three things. Then it could be your office, your restaurant, your shop on fire.  Because the global population is at breaking point.  Because so many are in fear.  Because everyone has a trigger that pushes them over the edge.  Because the current waves of public anger against police, racism, slavery is not going to end there.  Because our buttons are being expertly pushed.  Because we are in the throes of a global revolution.

Implement My 3 Suggestions

Because we want our business to be solutions for humanity.  Because we want our customers to have good experiences.  Because some of our global government members are ass-holes, idiots or worse.  Just Because Its The Right Thing To Do.

I am not advocating total disregard for safety and hygiene. I am simply saying “watch how far we take it”. The buzz word these days is also “mental health”.

And if you have read through all the above and not figured out what the hell I am talking about….I am talking about the “new norm” that we must not accept.  Not because I am against protecting people from a virus.  But because the human race was never designed to live in isolation.  We like being close to another person, being held, touched, kissed, made love to, cuddling our kids and probably everyone else’s baby!

We are SOCIAL and SOCIABLE BEINGS – we are not social distancing beings.  Have we not coined the phrase “anti-social” and imprison people for “anti-social behaviors and crimes”?  What are we being told to do now?  And are we actually being threatened that we cannot open our doors for business if we don’t comply? Wakey! Wakey!

What exactly are you going to do with your social distancing when your customers ignore it?

You going to call the police? Throw them out? Are you going to have your staff acting as police? Slippery slope that because even the police, apparently, are not sufficiently trained in dealing with people in the right way and people are not taking it any more. A lot to think about here. When was the last time you tried to control…..lets say 10 agitated people? Can you imagine what could happen if a staff member takes the wrong attitude with a customer under the “new norm”?  Oh and don’t forget when the customer decides to sue you for non-compliance, where does it end?  With you out of business probably.

During COVID19 I took the opportunity to step back, review why I am in business, remember my initial dream and re-activated it. Oh – and I have already deleted about 80% of those spreadsheets and lists that took up so much of my time. They are mostly all irrelevant going forward now anyway.

When we do open for business at Mara House again, I will be doing everything I can to ensure the safety, health and well-being of the human beings who come to stay with us. There is nothing new in that – it has always been at the core of my business. But neither I nor my staff will be wearing face shields or plastic gloves. Nor will I be marking spaces on my floors to keep these intelligent people either 1 meter or 2 meters apart from each other. I respect they are smart enough to know how far they want to be from anyone else themselves.

I am fully convinced that I do not want to be part of the dehumanization of the human race.

While the majority survive there are always those who thrive in times of war and emergencies. I am not condemning anyone who comes up with a new idea and has the money to implement it in such times. In fact, don’t we all wish it was us? I am saying we should stay alert and not follow like sheep. – I am saying “keep your eyes open and look for the bigger picture – take care of the human aspect of your clients, before we all lose it forever.”

You Don’t Need to wear a Mask – unless…

Only HEALTH CARE WORKERS, SICK PEOPLE, people looking after sick people at home, and if you are also coughing & sneezing NEED wear MASKS.  I don’t know where common sense has gone, perhaps out the window because of fear.  I would imagine it is not healthy for sick people to be wearing masks though – so not sure what that is all about.

I don’t know from whom some governments around the world are taking their advice.  And it seems to change from day to day or week to week.  As individuals and as business people I think we need to become conscious of the type of future and the quality of life we want.  Our children are being molded by our actions today.  What kind of lives do we want them to have?  What unconscious vibes are we transmitting today?

Yes, health awareness and safety is vital but, let’s slow down a little and consider what is really necessary, practical and healthy.  Let’s not jump on bandwagons because of an image we want to project about ourselves or to promote a business image.

Here is the World Health Organisation public video on who NEEDS to wear a mask.

If you are none of the above, wearing a mask can be bad for your own health.  Just think about it, you are repeatedly exhaling and re-inhaling your own breath particles for one thing.

We might want to think of the fear we are engendering into our kids with all this too.

My aunt (RIP) was a nurse, who died long before her time – her early 40s I think.  But, as long as I knew her she was paranoid about germs – paranoid about dust and everything she touched.  She wasn’t born or raised that way – she developed it as a result of her nursing career and it got out of hand.

Here is just a little personal story of how someone else’s phobia can affect a child.

My aunt visited about 3 times a year and the house had to get a thorough going over before her arrival.  Of course she knew more than my mom about health matters.  So, Auntie checked us kids out from top to toe, for every possible problem.  On one of her visits she apparently found something in my hair – lice?  I got an immediate haircut!  Thankfully for me there were no electric razors around in then.

The problem is that it didn’t stop at one haircut.  And I didn’t catch the germ phobia.  But her phobia for MY hair continued every time she visited and severely impacted my self-esteem and body image.  And especially for major events such as first communion, when my friends had lovely long and curly hair – I had my hair cut to just below my ears!

My last dreaded haircut was aged 12.  It seriously affected my self-confidence – there were boys in the school you see and I would soon becoming aware of the difference between us!  I don’t know why I couldn’t voice my objection to the haircuts before then, my parents were not ogres!  But my memory makes me ask what kind of fears and feelings are our children not able to voice today?

I also remember in the 1960s the County Councils distributed a little booklet to every home on what to do if a nuclear bomb fell on Ireland.  Here’s a laugh for you – it suggested we “tape up the windows and hide under the tables”.  I read that booklet from cover to cover and can still remember it today.  I remember the fear it generated in me.  But, what I remember most of all was the fear I felt every night during those years, when I leaned over the balcony and listened to the adults downstairs talking about it and discussing the radio news of the day.

I never told anyone I was afraid.  It just became a part of me.  When I was at home I worried about my grandparents, aunts and uncles. When I was in grandma’s house for holidays I worried about my parents and what would happen if the bomb fell.  Not all day, every day, just every night and the fear became ingrained in my subconscious through the nightly ritual of prayer.  Family prayer at night was the rosary – where we prayed for everyone we knew by name, for them to be safe.  For them to be safe implied to me they must be in some kind of danger.  Sound crazy?  Well, that was my reality

We need to get a grip on the fear.  Not just pretend to.  We need to really lose it.  We need to stop or curtail as much as possible the outward displays of fear.  Wearing a face mask when it is not necessary is expressing fear.  The 2 meter rule is unworkable and ridiculous in schools, restaurants, bars etc,  As humans we need to see each other, we need to touch each other and we need to be close to each other.  Let’s not forget that in our plans for getting back to business, school and living