DIARY – Coronavirus era

The days are running into each other and it’s becoming difficult to remember when what happened.   So I am recording my own personal timeline during the coronavirus era.  It’s not going to have statistics, just my experience of it.

11th May – Update since 6th April to today is here “How Good Is Your Focus?”

6th April – Did my meditation before getting out of bed – and they are getting better all the time. breakfast and gave myself 10 mins on the phone..found this wonderful essay shared by a friend.  It expresses so many of the thoughts going through my head the last two days and I was that I was going to write about today. But saved his essay here instead – he expresses it all so beautifully.   Hopefully we will have the world he writes about towards the end of the essay.  https://charleseisenstein.org/essays/the-coronation

The virus is becoming real for us now – a friend of a friend who works in the hospital tested positive.

5 April – End of Week 4 Coronavirus era

5th April – Missed my cycle – woke up too late.  Did my meditations 🙂 had a happy day, stayed off social media except for a quick check on the news last night.  I spent most of the day putting this timeline tog and analysing what I had been going through.   I won’t have my cycle tomorrow either because bike has a puncture – lot of glass on the roads yesterday.

4th April – Good day – during my early morning cycle the song “Jambalaya” started in my mind.  I don’t know the last time that happened.  I used to have songs in my head all the time – seems like a long time ago now.   Lifted my spirits even more,

Had a good morning meditation after breakfast.  Then I found 4 great testimonials on YouTube which inspired me to meditate in the afternoon again.  I hardly looked at social media today and only checked the Irish and Egyptian news stories once.

I LAUGHED TODAY!   What’s so odd about that?  Recently I haven’t found much to laugh about!  Wasn’t sleepy when I went to bed but didn’t want to do an all-nighter again on films so I went to sleep listening to the interview below with Sadhguru.  I had not heard him before.

3rd April – Woke around 4am and did a good meditation then did a 2 hour cycle.  Best cycle yet.  Found myself thinking how the Universe made sure I had my cycling clothes 🙂  Prior to coming back from Ireland I had gone shopping one day to buy a pants to wear to St Patrick’s day party (which was later cancelled).  Anyway – I hate shopping and didn’t find a pants.  But I DID find two loose pants that I liked and are ideal for cycling.   You might not think that’s a big deal but it is.  Because without those pants I would now be wearing jeans and it is getting way too hot for me now for cycling in jeans.  Thanks Universe for sorting out even the smallest details for me yet again!

I know there are jokes about our hair these days without our hairdressers.  You know how in films the heroine decides to chop her hair and still manages to look great?  Yes, I decided to cut my own hair!  It was a good pixy cut before that but had grown a bit and was annoying me.  Taking the scissors felt good!  Also I didn’t really care if I made a mess of it – got a baseball cap!  Actually, it didn’t turn out too bad at all – no, I am NOT posting a photo – maybe next time!  But just doing this made me feel like I was taking back some control.

After the haircut 🙂 I decided it was time to get out of the pyjamas.  Not been getting in day clothes since 19 March.   That felt good too.   I’ve stuck to my new eating routine and been taking vit C, drinking more water.   I look better today 🙂

2nd AprilRecovery Day 1.  Meditated before going to sleep last night in an effort to wake up in a better state of mind.  It worked.  So, I meditated first thing this morning too.  Dr. Joe Dispenza says that if we meditate before our thoughts start looking for the life we lived yesterday we can shut off (in my case, the debilitating thoughts of the last few days), for the rest of the day.  It worked.  After breakfast I sat with a pen and paper and put some serious thought into the layout of this website.  Not because I had to but because I wanted to.   Felt good.   Sleep better than previous nights.

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Note added 5 April – I would say that from 25 March to 1 April that I was experiencing grief and my life was out of control.  I missed a lot of cycle mornings, meditations were not that good – I could not get rid of fearsome thoughts.  I was worried about my family.  And for possibly the first time in my life was afraid of dying – not because I am afraid of actual death itself.  But because there are some things I have not finished sorting out yet lol!  Given all I know about our emotions, mental state and thoughts affecting our bodily health, I was more intensely aware that my levels of stress were out of control.  The nightmares were just a continuation of my daytime fears.  There was something odd about them too – I was aware in my dreams that I was trying to get in control of the situation by the power of my thoughts.  In my nightmares and coming out of them I was mentally working on overcoming my fears.  I felt vulnerable because of my fears, even in my nightmares I knew that.

MOBILE PHONE – it’s just too easy to reach for it and before you know an hour or more has passed.   I KNOW THIS!.  I know social media is mostly a waste of time – WATCHING OTHER PEOPLE LIVE (Supposedly) while not living my own.  I was shocked at how quickly it got hold of me over the last month!  Before that  I was mostly too busy for it.  We’ve just got so used to carrying it everywhere with us – how many of you even use while on the toilet for God’ sake?!  Our solitary moments of silent contemplation have been erased by the little gadget.  I was aware of how I was automatically reaching for it, and also of the effect it was having on my mind and my emotions but couldn’t stop the slide.

Part of the problem – perhaps the main problem is that for the first time in years I have nothing I have to do.  My purpose (work) in life was gone, my goal was gone.  At one point I looked back over the years and thought “My God! how much have I done that was a complete waste of my time?  And there I was again – wasting my time staring at a small screen – because it stopped me looking at life – looking at myself.  Is that it?  Is that what is ‘wrong’ with us?  Are we using work, phones, action – anything that comes to hand, just so we don’t have time to stop and think?  I don’t know.

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31 March – 1 April – Since 30th I have had terrible sleep.  Nightmares every night and going back into them when I went back to sleep.  1st night some people were trying to kill me – on horseback lol!  So the form that took might have something to do with too many hours watching “Kurulus Osman”.  2nd night people were trying to eat me!  I reckoned that was a step up from killing for some strange reason.  3rd night I don’t remember except that I did not have the same fear as the first two nights.  Strange thing is that the last night I began to “feel” in my dream that I was in some way regaining control and that was the thought I woke with.

30 March – Struggling.  So my search for a rescue on YouTube brought me 3 videos which helped, a bit.  So I shared them in the following 3 blog posts

How Do I Handle the Fear that I’m Feeling? Eckhart Tolle

How are you coping during lock-down? Russell Brand

25 Great Tips on How to Stay Sane in Times of COVID-19

29 March – – End of Week 3 Coronavirus era

25 – 29 March – Decided to replace my social media bingeing for film binge.  That means some nights I continued watching episode after episode of “Kurulus Osman” which is the follow up to “Resurrection – Ertugrul” that I loved so much.  Some nights up to around 4am.  Which means I missed my cycle the following day – not good!   On a slippery slope here because I still couldn’t keep away from checking the news, facebook etc.  I KNOW this is not good for me mentally or emotionally but I do it anyway – automatic response is to reach for the phone now when not doing anything else.  I haven’t done this for years.  Definitely experiencing stress!

Worried about my lack of exercise and getting paranoid about my excess weight, cholesterol etc and really odd that I am having tingling in my hands quite  lot of the time so did some research.   Don’t really want to go through all those tests they are saying I might need because of the tingling so hoping I can just decide I am not doing that soap opera.   Going to stop sugar, processed foods, rice and cut down on potatoes.   Replacing bad fats with good fats etc.  Drinking hibiscus tea twice a day for blood pressure.   Using Olive Oil for cooking lol!

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Note added 5 April – I would say that from 15 March to 24 March that I was living in DENIAL while attempting to cope by taking some ACTION (rat in a trap)

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26 March – starting to write here on this site again.   I stopped exactly a year ago.  My re-written Home Page

23 March – Struggling mentally.  I shared 10 posts on Facebook today and 16 posts on the 24th.  That means I spent most of those days scrolling through social media.  For me that is not a good sign.  When you see me sharing lots of posts it probably means I am having a bad day 🙁

22 March – End of Week 2 Coronavirus era

21 March,   Wrote a lot today – very productive!

I get videos of my grand-children almost every day and they are the highlight of my days :-))

20 March.  Watching international news, I now realise things are getting serious.  Cancellations have started to roll in for the next 3 months.  Financially, this could be a problem, depending on how long this crisis goes on for.   Went out to buy basic emergency food supplies to have on hand to last for a couple of weeks should we have to stay inside.

19 March.  Brought home my health investment – a bike.

16 – 18 March.  Did very little as we had some guests staying so life was normal.  But I am starting to feel a little anxious, restless, aimless underneath it all with each passing day.  I am not going out.  Becoming increasingly conscious of my underlying health problems.  I am on a blood thinner and taking statins for high bad cholesterol levels.  Spending too much time checking social media and the news is not helping anxiety levels.   Not activities I usually indulge in but I am a bit directionless just now.

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Note added 5 April – I would class the first week as continuing life as normal while actually being in DENIAL

15 March – End of my week 1 living in Coronavirus era

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14 March.  Worked all day – paperwork.

13 March.  Nothing much

12 March.  Nothing much

11 March.  Nothin much

10 March fly Nothin much

6 March – 9 March.  With family.  Nothing much about Coronavirus.