Category Archives: WHAT IS KILLING YOU?

Judgement is a killer!

For me, letting go of judgement resulted in  a huge change in how I feel healthwise and in general.

For years I’ve used the example of garlic – some love it and some hate it.  What people feel about garlic doesn’t make it good or bad!  Garlic is just garlic.  We take it or leave it.   I used to say this, but I still judged people and things – we do it automatically.  But we don’t use the word “judgement” .  We don’t admit that we passed a judgement.  We say we “expressed our opinion” .

For many people we unconsciously pass judgements thousands of times every day – everything and everyone we see.  Watch yourself – see if you can catch yourself “having an opinion/thought” about the people you pass in the street, the neighbours, the news, even when you watch a film you take some character’s side, one guy you want to win and the other you want him dead – because he is the bad guy.

If you experiment with this, you may be surprised.  If you practice stopping the judgements you will definitely feel much lighter inside.

During COVID-19, wasn’t it really difficult not to form opinions on so many subjects?  Did you make decisions or come to conclusions on

  • how the virus started – WHO was responsible?
  • whether we should have lockdown or be free to do as we like?
  • whether we should all be wearing masks or not?
  • whether lockdown should end sooner or later?
  • whether our kids should go back to school now or when?
  • if you never had an opinion on Donald Trump before, do you have one now?
  • whether the government handled the situation in a good way or a bad way?
  • as you scrolled through instagram did you have fleeting opinions on this one’s video or the fact that one put on make-up or not?

They are just the general ones – there are thousands of other things we all think about all day long and judge.

Personal opinion, quiet judgements, whatever, we might think is ok and not damaging to anyone.  Oh but it is damaging.

Firstly it can be very damaging for our own health.  We can look at something and appreciate it – that’s beneficial.

But if we look at something and decide in the negative, it rarely stops there.   At some point we can be driven to making a negative comment (to say the least) and before you know it, we are in the middle of a full blown facebook or twitter argument.  Our stress levels soar, cortisol courses through our blood, if the argument gets really bad…..friends and family fall out and even “unfriend” one another.

This morning Dr. Ben’s video on shaming someone because they are not an expert popped up in my facebook stream and I started to write a quick comment on it.  At some stage the comment became too long and ended up here in this post and the other post is COVID-19 A Lesson from the Universe on the Nature of Reality.

Shaming and blaming affects other people very badly – it damages them more than we realise, it hurts them.  But when we do it, we ourselves are the biggest losers – it affects our health, our minds and our immune systems.

Fear Wrecks Our Immune Systems

Fear is hardwired into our systems to keep us safe. If a lion is coming for you, fear tells you to run and the body send blood etc to the hands and feet to help you run. To provide the body with everything it needs to help you escape, it shuts down the immune system to conserve energy etc.

There is the problem.  If your immune system is shut down so are other systems – for example, your body may not be able to absorb and use the food you are eating, therby depriving it of the nutrients needed to keep the body healthy.   Obviously, long term this will cause lots of health issues

In the situation of the lion – once the lion is gone your body should return to normal.  However, if you have to keep on the alert for the lion or other threats long-term, fear becomes your worst enemy and will eventually kill you under the disguise of heart attack, cancer, immune deficiency diseases, addictions, cholesterol and a thousand other medical conditions.

A  medical journal on the effects of chronic fear.

If you want to survive, you have to learn

  • to recognize when your body has been triggered into fear mode – sounds like you should easily notice this, yes?  Well, no, not if you are in the habit of being fearful.  You can live in fear and not be actively aware of it.
  • learn how to shut of the fear response.

If you think you don’t feel fear very much read my article ” Fear is our worst enemy ” and you will see that, even in a normal day, even without any crisis like COVID-19, fear is triggered in us 24/7 not just by media but by society, friends and family.

Shut off the fear response

I’m talking about fear here in a very simple way.  You will find lots of much more indepth, analytical ways of dealing with fear on the internet.

At a basic level, and to help the immune system, I am  interested in shutting off the fear response as soon as possible and to practice doing so, because opportunities for fear are all around,  We’ve just got used to them and we have grown accustomed to living with at least a degree of fear.

Tools to shut of fear in the moment

  • Laughter – you can’t find something funny and at the same time feel fear.  Find a funny movie, keep links to your fav comedian handy on your phone – remember the last thing you laughed at.  By the way, when was the last time you had a real REAL BELLY LAUGH?
  • YouTube saves my sanity!  I have a few people I tune into when I need to change my thoughts – it doesn’t really matter what they are talking about as long as it is not fear-based.
  • What are you thinking about?  Identify it in the moment.   You can’t fight the thought, BUT you CAN replace it.
  • MOVE – get up, change you position, make a cup of tea, admire something, go for a walk, run, do some housework, turn on some music.
  • When you MOVE, look around you – what do you have to feel grateful for?  Think about them, verbalise your gratefulness.
  • Meditation – I could NEVER meditate until I found Dr Joe Dispenza and I find his meditations so easy and powerful

You can’t fight the thought BUT you CAN replace it.  I do this simply by thinking “what a lovely sky!  How blue it is – hmm nice flowers, etc.  You could pull up a mental of some baby, child or family member you love and think about them.  Carry a photo or something  that you associate with a happy memory, in your pocket and reach for it when you need to change a thought.

Believe it or not you cannot think two thoughts at the same time.  AND thoughts are magnetic which means you have the first thought and then more thoughts similar to the first one rush at you one after the other.   This happens so quickly, easily and unconsciously that you can be “thinking” about a subject for several minutes before even becoming conscious of what you are thinking.

There is the key – BECOMING CONSCIOUS OF WHAT YOU ARE THINKING.  Or even better maintaining a level of consciousness that will not allow the train of thought to even begin, if it is one that does not serve you.

Thoughts rush through our heads – we are not thinking them, they are invisible and all around us, we are just picking them up like radio receiving sets.  A train of thought can be triggered by a smell, an object, touching something, music, a song, and obviously by seeing something

Sometimes when I catch myself having a rush of certain fearsome or fear-triggering thoughts, I stop and hold my hand up, like a traffic cop, (only if I am alone and not in public!) and wave the thoughts off the main highway (so to speak) down a blind alley.  It works.  Sometimes I imagine them like the ski lifts in Switzerland and as they come over my head I just wave them on saying “not now” and sometimes – sometimes I just look at them and say “fuck off!  Just fuck off and get the hell outta my head!” etc.

 My weapons against fearful thoughts

These are my personal favourites for thought distraction – might seem silly to you but they get me 🙂  You can make your own list.

Worry is a only a habit – a bad one!

Since I started doing Dr. Joe’s work I have become aware that now I sometimes catch myself reaching for a past memory – no, reaching for a past gut experience, a bad, unhappy, miserable, worry-some feeling.  But feelings are created by our thoughts, so my body is pushing me to search my memory for a sad or worrying past event.

It’s as if some part of me needs that feeling…there is something telling me I must remember those events that triggered these negative emotions, telling me I can’t afford to forget them.

From what I understand of the work – this means I am making progress and my body is throwing up this anxiety response as I begin to relax.  My body is more used to the stress response being activated most hours of the day.  It is used to the constant flow of adrenaline and cortisol.

Now that I am meditating and relaxing, my body is missing the cortisol and adrenalin hormones that stress and anxiety trigger, and it is pushing me to re-activate the production of these chemicals.  By recognising this and refusing to remember those old worrysome thoughts I am winning the battle – the chemicals are kept at bay and in time it will get easier.  Catching myself reaching for the “worry thought” is real progress.  Finding a happy thought is making even more progress.

Last night I read where Joe writes about creating “worst scenarios” .  I started doing that about 3 years ago.  I thought then that if I dipped into a worst scenario and realised I could emotionally survive it that it would help me cope with the pain I was feeling.  Well, I suppose it did – unfortunately, my worst scenario did materialise.  The good news is I did survive it.  Now, I can see how easy it is to materialise stuff and events – but why, oh why do I slip so easily into the bad daydreams instead of the good ones?  I guess the answer is also “habit”.