Tag Archives: self-doubt

Being me – how are you?

I think what stops many people from moving forward, moving upwards or moving outwards from the lives and routines they are used to is the nagging thought of inadequacy that stalk us.  As a foreigner living in Egypt for over 10 years I have not been immune to the energy of fear under the Mubarak era for many people.

I will say that until I started the process of applying for a license for my restaurant I was less aware of it.  In applying for a license I came under the scrutiny of not only government officials but also the police state of the time.  Apparently it also took Interpol 3 months to check me out and I also had to have TWO aids tests!

Being a foreigner with a rebellious streak it was difficult for me.  When I started the licensing process, I fought back.  In fact the first thing I did was throw the first posse of inspectors – about 4 -5 persons I think it was, out of the house in the middle of their inspection!  In my alien mind government officials had a job to do and they should bloody well do it without making my life a misery.

Suffice it to say for the moment that over the next two and a half years I became more or less a nervous wreck.  I dreaded the doorbell ringing and if I saw a police car in the street I went into total panic.

Those Ministry for Tourism officials that I threw out?  I eventually had to go back to them and spend half an hour apologising, excusing myself and grovelling so they would re-instate my application.  I should also say that before I started the restaurant project I ascertained through a “friend” that I would have absolutely no problem with getting my bar and restaurant license.  It would cost me some money but really, really I would have no problem!  Many, many times I wished there was some way I could make that guy eat his words physically in the form of something horrible!

I have gone off the subject.  Many of us don’t reach our full potential because of the little doubting voices in our heads.  I have had them for years.  People keep telling me I should write a book because I have such a lot of stories which I share with my guests and friends.

What keeps me from doing it?  Probably the voice that challenges me with questions like “who do you think you are?”  How many times did we hear that when we were young?  A challenge designed to demolish!

“What do you know about anything?” is another one.  In my case the worst and strongest voices were the ones that told me “You never win!  You always stick your neck out!  You always end up getting your head cut off!  You’re a radical!  You’ll never succeed!  You’ll be on your own!  Nobody will support you! ”  Recognise any of those voices?

2013 Aug 7 and like everyone else in the tourism industry in Egypt I am ground down, worn out, fucking angry and resentful!  Yes, I did just use the F word.  It is not a word I commonly use, having brought up to behave like a lady 🙁 that included 5 years in a convent boarding school – ugh!  As a business person there is a certain image I should portray – or so I am told.  To hell with that!

Who am I most angry at?  The media who wouldn’t know how to just report the facts even if the facts jumped up and bit them in the face!

Now, I have had my little melt down and rant.  I have to tell you that while I’ve known the theories of Law of Attraction for years, I am really only practicing how to use them as I gain understanding of it and, thankfully, the more I learn the easier it gets. Theory and talking theory only takes you so far – and that’s not very far either.

You have to PRACTICE and the best time to practice, in fact the only time you can practice and change a habit is at the start or in the middle of the reaction to the event.  The good news… the more you practice, the earlier you catch yourself, the earlier you change the vibe around the situation.

But it’s a daily thing, shit happens and it triggers us – like me just before I started writing this.  When the bad stuff triggers us, that’s when we know how much practice we’ve put in!

The big thing I know is – I DID THIS!  I created and attracted all those bad feeling experiences automatically, and without even really KNOWING how I was the responsible one – not all those people I am blaming in my rant.  I created that unpleasant reality myself by default.  I started each creation by having a bad reaction to a small event – but each small event lead to a bigger one – then comes the explosion!

I created all this unhappy stuff and I can come out of it.

The trick is to have the melt down as quickly and as short as possible.  Writing helps me clear my mind.  Have your melt down- then move to the solution.  I’m heading off to work on the solution now 🙂  All is well.

Break free of the Program

We have become programmed to look at what is around us and manifest more of the same.  Smart people – the rich people – the MEGA RICH people have ALL wised up to this.   Many famous actors/actresses are now telling us how they did it and sharing tips with us – it always comes down to focus, re-programming themselves and belief.

How are we programmed?  Go through the list of channels on your TV – find one, just one that is inspiring or uplifting?  I dare you.  Every single one is about bad news, crime, debt, hopelessness, police catching criminal, depressing soaps and so called “reality shows”.

Why are we being programmed this way?  To keep us trudging along like workhorses every day til we die in dead-end jobs where we earn enough just to keep us alive.  Modern day slavery, and the overseer with the whip is the media and your TV.

Now if you are a happy person then that’s great but if you are not a happy person it is not good at all because crap keeps falling all around you.  Please bear with me – I’m getting to the point now 🙂

Do you remember the Celtic Tiger?  Wasn’t it great?  Now please, please, please, can I ask you to forget all your normal and “common sense” way of thinking for one minute here?  Do you remember how the economists, news and maybe even you started saying “It just can’t go on, the bubble has to burst!”  On and on and on it went – I knew then what was coming next.  Universal Law delivered on all our comments and expectations – at critical mass of thought on those sentences – the bubble burst.

The truth of the matter is WE TALKED AND THOUGHT OURSELVES INTO A GLOBAL DEPRESSION.

The good news is WE CAN ALSO TALK AND FOCUS OUR WAY OUT OF IT.

Hold on a minute please, stop the chatter of “reason” that is now exploding inside your head…..please just for one minute suspend your normal disbelief.  Just supposing, just supposing, just supposing what I am saying is true……whether you believe it now or not….in the off chance that I am right – are you willing to give it a go?

Will you be one of the people to put your energy of thought and focus into bringing Ireland back into THRIVING ECONOMIC GROWTH in spite of everything you now observe?  There is a lot we can do.

It is all the good news I find that shows Ireland is recovering (I asked you to tell the chatter inside your head to shut up and let you think, please).  What I am really asking you to do is focus on the good stuff that you see around and share it.  Universal Law dictates that we can change Ireland’s Economy back to growth in spite of those bent on bringing us to our knees.  We are stronger than that and everyone doesn’t have to focus on it – a few can do the work for many.

  • What else can you do?
  • Turn off the news.
  • Don’t read the negative economic forecasts
  • Appreciate the good and happy stuff you see around
  • Don’t share on twitter, facebook, the negative crap whether it is “true” or not.  There is a lot of stuff that is ‘true’ that you do not want to bring into your reality!
  • SHARE everywhere everything you see as positive and uplifting.
  • Don’t argue with anyone about this.

As a by-product of doing this experiment you can measure your own personal economic success, because, if you do this your own situation must improve regardless of what is going on around you.  I am personal proof of this – I am still running a successful, growing business in the midst of revolutionary times and living in a country that has gone through a Revolution.  What is going on around you has nothing to do with you unless you believe it does.

Shit Happened (Literally!) – what did i do?

4 a.m. I fly into Cairo, hop in a taxi and 30 mins. later I’m letting myself into my apt. – “Home at last, cup of choc and I’m off to bed!” says I to myself……..well, uh…nooo!  What is that smell?  I drop my bags and follow my nose……”WTF?!”

Before my astonished eyes – my parquet floor down the entire length of the corridor is a topsy-turvey, higgledy-piggledy mess, 2 – 3 inches off the floor.  Being used to Irish winters, my first thought was “Burst Pipes!”  Wait, no, can’t be – this is Egypt, no pipes under my floor…..look upwards, no water on the ceiling.  I get to the bathroom door and see the floor is covered in mud.  How? From where?  What the????

First photo below is the hall and corridor before the toilet eruption – parquet was unusable again so we had to tile it.  In the second photo, the “bibet” is the small, square, shiny metal object in front of the shower.  That is where the “eruption” happened.  Unbelieveable that such a small opening could spew up enough dirt and water to cover the entire floor and the adjoining corridor!

It took me a few minutes to understand that the bibet (hole in the bathroom floor where the water goes down) had somehow erupted, spewing water everywhere.  Forget going to bed! I get out the hose, mop and bucket and automatically started cleaning.

At 6am I find the caretaker, call the plumber and so begins a saga that lasts until mid-day as the investigation proceeds – the end of the story?  It wasn’t my fault apparently, nothing at all to do with me, apart from destroying my floor.  Old pipes outside the building…never mind, I doubt I can explain it properly.

Is the problem fixed?  Will it happen again?  Who knows?  You see – this is Egypt and even the bibets are in revolt!  Thank God it wasn’t the toilet!!!!  Don’t laugh – that can erupt also!

Moral of the story?  Don’t sit on the toilet too long in Egypt….remember Mel Gibson and (was it Danny Glover?) in what was the name of that movie?  Lethal Weapon?

I found out a few things today.  What was the worst part of the day?  Was it the mess? the shock? the expense of replacing the entire floor?  No, it was the hours of frustration trying to communicate with 4 Egyptian men.  They were all experts, of course.  Trying to communicate that whatever about the problem inside my apt. there was no way I was paying for whatever it was that caused the problem outside – actually it was worse than that.

I could see what and where the problem was, but they were so busy trying to ensure I took ownership of the entire problem they refused to really listen and try to see the cause of the problem.  After all they were men, weren’t they?  This was their domain and what the hell would a woman know anything about it?  So that was the first thing I discovered – the frustrated communication was what got to me the most.  BUT, if I were not imbued with self-doubt and certainly, giving off a vibe of uncertainty, which they naturally and automatically interpreted – would my communications with them have been easier?  I’m sure it would.

What else did I find out?  I discovered that something had shifted in my consciousness.  In the midst of the arguments about fixing the situation and who was responsible, I realised I was actually extremely upset, a bit shocked, extremely tired, and about to burst into tears.  I did shed a few before I could stop them.  I always wonder why I can’t look as good as Demi Moore in “Ghost” – I look nothing like that when the tears are streaming down my face!

Wiping away the sweat (35 degrees here today) and the tears, I suddenly stopped short.  I don’t know where it came from – but across my mind rushed the thoughts “What the hell is wrong with you?  Look at the state of you over some water, timber and bit of work!  Who cares?  What other troubles have you?  If that is the worst you have to worry about – then you are one luck B*****”.

As if suddenly struck by lightening, I felt so lucky!  I thought of my family – all fine TG!  What else is important?  Who cares about the rest of it?  I am thankful, really, I am for that erupted bibet for bringing me that appreciation.

Comparing myself to others in order to make myself feel good never worked for me.  You know like when your parents told you how lucky you were to have that dinner that you didn’t want to eat, while others were starving?  My inward response was usually “well, you send it to them!  I don’t want it!”

It’s the same thing, in a way, but worlds apart in the feeling of it.  For anyone who can understand what I mean by that.  I’ve been teaching my grand-daughter to practice waiting when something crappy happens, if you can, and look for the “silver lining” but this is probably the first time I’ve been aware of a wonderful positive feeling of SATISFACTION right in the middle of a crappy situation. I guess practice makes perfect.

I have a lot to be satisfied with and that is where my focus should be, not on one silly event which will be sorted in a couple of days!

Two other things…

  1. I have to admit being vibrationally responsible for this mishap – I created this – and I am not going to back to dig out exactly where it started.  It’s enough for me to know it.
  2. It could have been worse – I could have been sitting on the toilet or in the shower when it happened LOL!

No, I am quite sure I haven’t turned into PollyAnna YET …. but I am thankful for the feeling of her today!  It’s now 8pm and I’m having that cuppa choc and getting to bed!  YEAH!