I deleted over 200 “friends” on Facebook last night before going to sleep. My fingers were moving so fast I even deleted a couple unintentionally…anyway…
Who Did I Delete from My Facebook Friends List?
I unfriended anyone
- whose face I couldn’t remember which means long time no contact
- I have not had a message from in a long, long time, if ever
- has not liked, shared or commented on a post of mine either in a long time or maybe never
- that I don’t remember seeing a post from in my stream ever or for long time
- who has no posts on their profile page apart from changing their profile photo every so often
Why Did I Unfriend so many from my Facebook Friend list?
My facebook MARA HOUSE LUXOR page tells me who reacts to something I share or comment on. It doesn’t tell me how many have read my posts and then just scrolled on.
On the other hand my Mara House Page tells exactly how many people have seen my post and what action they took. It tells me if they
- liked my post or any other emoji
- clicked the button to unlike my page, un-follow or hide my post
- clicked on the link to whatever I am writing about to read it in full
- left a comment
NOTE: I did NOT delete friends for disagreeing with me on any subject.
I have read articles about how people’s reactions to us on social media affects us and I have been watching my own reactions. When I do a spate of writing as I have over the last two weeks I noticed myself checking for reactions to my writing. I loved the likes. I like the comments and generally give an emoji in recognition for their comment if I have nothing more to add or I leave an answering comment.
But the thing I began to notice most was the feeling of rejection and emptiness at the huge number of people who left me no reaction whatsoever. I began to feel like there was an army of people out there watching me, silently, like a stalker would. That was neither nice nor healthy for me. This is not reality – this is projection. This means that unseen “friends” can control my feelings. NOT HEALTHY.
I like writing and every morning when I come return to Mara House, where I am confined, not by coronavirus but by temp outside averaging 40 Celsius, I shower and sit at my laptop. The cycle usually generates a subject to write about before I get home, and I write from the heart, usually without corrections as it just pours out.
My Social Media/Online Presence
So, I have my personal facebook profile, my Mara House Luxor facebook Page, Instagram, Twitter and Linkedin. I also currently have two active websites and anyone who wants to read what I write without interacting or connecting with me can tune into my writing on either of these. The first is for and about Egypt and my business there Mara House Luxor and the second is Life is Just a Game where I write my personal thoughts, mostly positive and designed to help or uplift people. Now and again for stuff like this I want to say.
- I like Instagram because it is mostly positive stuff there.
- Twitter is where I get my news both from media and people on the ground that I respect around the world. Mostly people because I don’t trust mainstream media or politicians AT ALL now.
- Linkedin is like facebook for people in business and it’s very sound, practical and helpful for keeping abreast of business matters outside of what very often can be the media distortions, as quite a lot of the content is written by people in business about their industry sectors. Going through all those could just eat up the hours of a person’s life.
Other Pruning I did on Facebook
My deletions were not the end of my actions on facebook. I also went through the many great groups I am joined there. I didn’t leave them, but I did turn off notifications from all of them, Now, for example if I am doing a few hours on my family tree I can go and check out what has happened in my genealogy groups since my last visit. And it saves me time scrolling past loads of genealogy related posts in a time when I am not in a position to use that info anyway.
Final thought – “following” and “followers” on any social media
FOLLOWERS: The trend out there is to think that having thousands or millions of followers is great, amazing, wonderful, a kind of signal to the world how loved or important you are. Well, unless you are some famous celebrity, it’s probably not. If you are not getting feedback from your followers then, to me, they are just silent stalkers. And if, like me, you feel let down by their lack of response, it’s not mentally or emotionally healthy.
However, I think of followers on Instagram differently to followers on facebook simply because of the content people put on Instagram. But the term used on Facebook is “friend” and friends don’t leave you hanging on a limb when you say something. Contacts on Linkedin are just that – a network of business contacts you may or may not interact with, but that depends on their business, your business and non-reaction there is different. We acknowledge a difference of industries, interests and how busy everyone is.
FOLLOWING: If you are following more than 200 people on Instagram or Twitter – you can’t read everything that is posted in a day and if you do, then you are not living a life, you are living other people’s lives who may or may not be living the life they say they are. What a waste of a life! Pruning who I follow on Instagram and Twitter is my next time saving and mental health preservation activity – soon as I get the time 🙂
Who Do I Want to “Friend” on my personal Facebook profile?
- Everyone who did not get deleted last night hahaha!
- Family and neighbors
- real friends, old and new that I personally know
- people who have come to Mara House and we established a bond and keep in touch off and on through facebook.
- there are some people I have not personally met but have had good conversations with either on messenger or outside of facebook.
If you are one of the real friends I unfriend last night with my fast finger action!!! and want to re-establish the connection send me friend request.
To My Friends Who Request Actions and I Don’t Oblige
For several reasons I never respond to any of the following
- requests to post or copy/paste content to prove I read your post that did not have picture
- request for any type of chain reaction similar to the above
- posts requesting copy and paste to prove I am your friend or sympathise/empathize with those who have cancer etc. If you ask me to copy and paste a post which focuses on recover, health, well-being I MIGHT copy and paste it because that is the opposite end of the usual focus on disease.
- mostly I don’t comment on, share or respond to posts you make that are negative, fear engendering, rabble rousing or advocating action on behalf of the latest social or popular trend.
Why I Delete Some Comments on my Facebook Posts
I tend to delete your comments on my posts that set one section of society against another, and comments where the writer is in direct opposition to what I wrote AND is giving me an argument in their defense which I most likely am already well aware of. I try for the most part to refrain from negative commentary on current events etc UNLESS I absolutely feel i have to and I have a solution to offer. I don’t allow fighting on my personal page. My page is for my opinion. If you agree, great – we have something in common. If you don’t agree, go write on your own page and I won’t comment there.
In Conclusion – Be Aware of What Your Posts Say about You
We are all different biological ages, at different stages of awareness, learning, education and mental capabilities. Recognize this when you decide to take someone up on their posts on their pages. Recognize everyone has the right to have their own current opinion. If you can’t change a person’s ideology with peaceful logic you are only going to entrench them by using anger, aggression, contempt or ridicule in your words.
What we say on social media says more than we are aware of. We may be speaking up for a very good cause. At the moment there is a HUGE outpouring from the white community on the issue of black lives matter. BUT most are completely unaware of what can also be read into what they are posting, especially when it is followed up with support for pulling down statues, banning books and now we are checking images and labels on food. Psychologists and public manipulators and profilers are having a field day with what people are revealing about themselves here. A whole lot of shadow stuff and mirroring going on there. Fascinating to watch but uncomfortably revealing and what it reveals most of all is … deep rooted fear and insecurity.
This should not be a black lives matter movement. It should be people against police brutality movement which is what the sparking incident in this current situation was. Sane, intelligent people are losing their reason at the moment. Too much is going on around and fear is being expressed in actions of anger. We feel it is ok to be angry for a “good or just cause”. Well, if there is too much of that fear being transmuted into public anger… our neighborhoods and communities will go up in flames. Fanning these flames from what is perceived to be a safe distance via social media is an illusion.
MUTE FOR 30 days
I do this now to friends who are continuously posting about the horrors or life or the injustices or extreme political views. I am allowing these friends their opinion, not commenting and attacking them on their page and not unfriending them.
HOWEVER, reading these posts are bad for my mood and mental health so I choose not to see them or interact until my friends recover or regain their balance.
Perhaps I should be calling my posts “The Voice of Reason! Hahaha!